Today is my mom’s birthday. That’s us, being excited to be in a convertible together. It’s one of my favorite pictures ever. We have a million better pictures of us taken by photographers who know what they are doing and aren’t laughing hysterically while trying to take a selfie in a vehicle that is flying down the road with the top down (I was REALLY worried about losing my phone in this attempt). But! None of them capture that adorable look on her face- the one when we’re having a great time and are super happy to be together. Where we’re being ridiculous and squealing like school girls and dancing to Katy Perry in the car. This picture is one of my happiest memories with Mom, one of the best times I’ve ever had with anyone and I’m so glad it was with her.
As teenagers, girls basically live to fight with their moms. Or, at least, super independent, snotty know-it-all teenage girls do. Then, at some point, we start to become humans again and realize just how amazing our moms are. I think the years I wasted doing that are one of my greatest regrets in life. Adult me, who desperately needs and loves her mom, wants to slap teenage me and say “pull it together!! she does actually know better than you!!” I’m really sorry about that, Mom. You were totally right. All of the time.
I’m just three weeks away from having my own little girl and, with each passing day, find myself needing my mom more than ever. I’m so glad we only live a few hours apart but there is a huge piece of me that wishes we were in the same town. Not because I can’t do the baby prep stuff without her. I just would rather be together and have her there telling me that everything will be great and I will survive the scary parts because I have to. Because she has a much better eye for balancing a room than I do. Because she is hilarious and fun to be around. Because she doesn’t let me sink into self pity over ridiculous stuff (listen, all pregnant ladies end up with swollen ankles, it’ll be fine). Because she gives me confidence that I can be a mom and even do it well and that baby girl has a whole family to love and support her and raise her well. What a relief to know that when I’m failing at being a mom, she will have the best grandma right there to love her and pick up where I’m missing.
Happy birthday, Mom. I’m so grateful for you.
Hi baby girl! 36 weeks and two days. 27 days to our due date. We are getting so close and anxious! I see my doctor every week in hopes that you’re doing something to show that you might be on your way soon. It seems like you’re currently happy in your cramped home in my belly which is just fine for now. Just don’t stay too long!
Daddy and I are finishing last things in your room- hanging pictures and arranging stuffed animals. Silly little things that won’t matter to you at all but are so much fun for us! It has been pure joy creating space for you in our house. I’m hormonal and weepy and end up crying almost every time I go in there as I think about how we are creating space in our life for you like this- getting everything as ready as we can. We’re already so in love with you, every feeling is full of missing you before we’ve met you more than anything else.
My body is starting to feel like a gigantic thing that belongs more to you than to me- you make my stomach roll when you kick and move, you love pushing your little butt up against my side so it gets as hard as a rock and you get so annoyed if we put pressure on you in any way, it ends in a series of hilarious kicks which, half of the time, digress to hiccups. You’ve been practicing breathing this way for weeks but, just in the last few days, my whole belly has started bouncing slightly with your hiccups. It is so hilarious to watch and feel!
Nearly every day, your sweet daddy holds my belly and looks a little awestruck while he says something about how exciting it is that we’re going to have a little girl to love soon! Counting down the days and weeks is getting surreal and thrilling… you could come any time and we can’t wait.
Like the song I love says
How long will you make me wait?
I don’t know how much more I can take
I missed you but I haven’t met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Hi there baby girl!
We’re less than 6 weeks away from you coming and I have become, as so many like to say, “great with child.” You are already the biggest focus of our lives- the thing we think and talk about the most, the person we love best in the world and someone we absolutely can’t wait to finally meet. So soon!
Over the last two weeks, we have had two baby showers with different groups of people to celebrate your imminent arrival. What a joy it has been to see how well loved you already are and to be reminded how loved your dad and I are! We have a great community and family- you are going to be one lucky little girl to grow up with these people.
I think you are running out of room inside of me- your kicks have changed from sudden little bumps to something that feels a little slower but much much stronger. You love sitting on my ribs- maybe they are a nice chair, I’m not sure!
Last week, while Marion was here, we got all of your newborn things- clothes and blankies and diapers- washed, unpacked, put away and ready to go for you. While we hope you stay in for a few more weeks, you could come any day and we would be ready! That is such a relief to me. While we have a lot to do for you still, we’re ready enough.
Your dad and I have started classes getting ready for you- a birthing class on Tuesday nights for the month of May and we have one baby care class next Monday. I have to confess that I’m pretty nervous about the birthing thing and am basically holding onto the belief that women live through this all of the time and when we get to it, my deep want to see you will overwhelm some of my much less important fears. Your dad, on the other hand, seems to be getting more excited after every class we go to. Just last night, as we were getting in bed and he was wishing you ‘good night, baby girl! sleep well! i love you!’ he paused in the middle to tell me ‘I’m so excited for her to get here. I can’t wait to hold my baby girl.’
As always, sweetheart, you are loved and adored. Before you even know the world exists, we love you.
Kolmanskop, Namib Desert
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