Happy birthday, Mom

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Today is my mom’s birthday. That’s us, being excited to be in a convertible together. It’s one of my favorite pictures ever. We have a million better pictures of us taken by photographers who know what they are doing and aren’t laughing hysterically while trying to take a selfie in a vehicle that is flying down the road with the top down (I was REALLY worried about losing my phone in this attempt). But! None of them capture that adorable look on her face- the one when we’re having a great time and are super happy to be together. Where we’re being ridiculous and squealing like school girls and dancing to Katy Perry in the car. This picture is one of my happiest memories with Mom, one of the best times I’ve ever had with anyone and I’m so glad it was with her.

As teenagers, girls basically live to fight with their moms. Or, at least, super independent, snotty know-it-all teenage girls do. Then, at some point, we start to become humans again and realize just how amazing our moms are. I think the years I wasted doing that are one of my greatest regrets in life. Adult me, who desperately needs and loves her mom, wants to slap teenage me and say “pull it together!! she does actually know better than you!!” I’m really sorry about that, Mom. You were totally right. All of the time.

I’m just three weeks away from having my own little girl and, with each passing day, find myself needing my mom more than ever. I’m so glad we only live a few hours apart but there is a huge piece of me that wishes we were in the same town. Not because I can’t do the baby prep stuff without her. I just would rather be together and have her there telling me that everything will be great and I will survive the scary parts because I have to. Because she has a much better eye for balancing a room than I do. Because she is hilarious and fun to be around. Because she doesn’t let me sink into self pity over ridiculous stuff (listen, all pregnant ladies end up with swollen ankles, it’ll be fine). Because she gives me confidence that I can be a mom and even do it well and that baby girl has a whole family to love and support her and raise her well. What a relief to know that when I’m failing at being a mom, she will have the best grandma right there to love her and pick up where I’m missing.

Happy birthday, Mom. I’m so grateful for you.

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